Many of our friends and family have asked on numerous occasions how our adoption is going. We give them the latest update as we know it, which leads to more questions, and more answers. We love talking about the adoption, so we welcome these interactions. Often, we’ll hear, “Man, you’ve been waiting a long time.” Or, “When do you think you’ll hear something?” Honestly, the only one who knows is the Big Man upstairs. That being said, the not-knowing makes time move at a pace that could rival a snail. But recently, something happened that made me realize that we’re not the only ones waiting.
To “fast track” (used very loosely) our adoption process, we said we’re interested in receiving information about children on the Waiting Child list. Typically children on the Waiting Child list have special needs, are older than 4 years old, or are part of a sibling group. Every once in a while, our agency will send us (the Waiting Child families) information on a specific child, or children, to see if anyone is interested in learning more, and ultimately, pursuing the adoption.
Recently, I received such an email about a sibling group of three. Our case worker passed the information along to me because one of the siblings is a 3-year-old girl matching our parameters. Our case worker knows we are only looking to adopt one child, but thought she’d pass the information along…just in case. I knew there was no way we’d be able to go from one child to four, but I studied their photos and information all the same. As I came to the oldest brother’s photo, and read his history, I felt my heart begin to ache, a lump rise in my throat, and tears sting my eyes. In his photo, he wore a big charismatic, confident smile. My first thought was, “Wow, he looks like a Bulgarian version of Bram!” After reading his history, I soon discovered he was the same age as our son, and his personality was almost identical to Bram’s.
Then the part that always breaks my heart, why they are up for adoption. Two years ago, he and his two younger siblings were sent to a foster home after it was deemed their mother was unable to provide suitable conditions for which to raise them. After some time, her parental rights were revoked, and the siblings became eligible for adoption. During that time in the foster home, neither their mother, nor any relatives, have visited them. The two youngest siblings were probably too young to remember much about their mother, but the oldest? To be taken from your mom and never see her again? To not fully grasp the concept of what’s happening to you? Are his memories of her good, or bad? Does he miss her? I can’t help but think of Bram and wonder what a heartbreaking and traumatic experience for a young child to go through.
And now, two years later, the brother waits with his two siblings. Day after day, he waits with his foster family for news that a couple wants to meet him. He waits for a mom and a dad that will be his parents forever. He waits for parents that will hug him and tell him that they love him. He waits to belong to a family.
I keep thinking about those three children. The oldest brother’s smiling face keeps floating through my head. I pray soon that a family will be blessed by this sibling group, because it’s so hard to read their profiles and know that you’re not the family who can provide for them.
